Part 1

LISTEN UP -- No name, 21:48:34 10/19/05 Wed [1]
Thank you (Pageant Director) for the awesome fair
pageant, it only cost my mommy and daddy $1250 to
enter. And $15,000 over the last 6 years to line your
pockets so I can have this guaranteed win.

Thank you (Hair and Makeup Artist) for the awesome
Hair and Makeup that my mommy and daddy paid you $300
for and you got a free ad on my banner too, to promote
your business (he he) good thing I looked good.

Thank you (tanner) for the great dark tan, my parents
have paid for 30 tans with you now, do you think that
you could throw in my next one for free? Oh here is a
plug for you under my banner too, there certainly is
nothing like free advertising, saving you that $10 for
a banner of your own.

I want to thank (Photographer) in some cases there are
more than one. My parents paid anywhere from $300-$700
for a sitting fee with you, and then at least
$150(that is the low end for a print) for my over
digitalized photo that helped me win photogenic. I
just love my pictures and so does mommy, she says that
you are the bomb, ooooo.... Oh a free ad for you (all
of you) too, we all know that you don't make enough
money.

Oh Oh Oh (Swimwear) Miss Sandi Henry my swimwear is
the bomb, you out did yourself on this one, out of the
3 you have made us, mommy likes this the best. It
doesn't matter that there is only $15 worth of
materials and it only took the lady that sews the
shells for you 1 hour to put it together, I am so
happy that we paid you $375 for it. This picture of me
in it is so cute maybe we can get you a few more
orders. Here is your free ad too. Maybe when we order
our next swimwear you can give mommy a better deal?

Thank you (Miss Dress maker) This color looks good on
me, unfortunately everyone is wearing this color
combination. Oh well, it is a pretty dress and without
it I would not have won Grand Supreme. You are welcome
for the free ad even though you charged us $2700 for
the dress and another $1500 for the sportswear.

Thank you (The finger and toe painter) Mommy was tired
and does not have the patience to pain my toes and
fingers, you are the bomb and they look so
professional. You did not pinch my fingers or toes
when you painted my nails, I will ask mommy if we can
use your services again. You are welcome for your ad.
I think that maybe we should be getting a volume
discount from you too.

Thank you to (My coach) my routine is awesome, even
though you only come to town once every 6-8 weeks, you
are responsible for my success in modeling. Wow, I
really think I ought to thank Mommy for making me
practice. Wow, you have been my coach for a year now
at $150 per hour and at least 2 hours every time you
come out, wow that has added up. Oh but you are worth
it, I hope this ad gets you some more students and me
an attaboy.

I want to thank (my wanna be coach) that works with me
a couple days a week. I know that we only pay you $35
an hour, but you are worth it too. Here is your free
ad, maybe we can get some other kids to coach with you
too, since you are less money than my big name coach.

I want to thank (Mr. ?), wow when you sang to me on
stage, I love that. Never mind that you spit on me
when you were singing, I am so happy that you made me
feel so special. My pageant experience would not have
been complete without some gay man singing to me and
exposing me to his germs. Yummy. Thanks for calling my
name as a Winner. It was a thrill that my mommy and I
will not soon forget. Maybe more pageant directors
will use you at their pageants since I mentioned your
name. Good Luck with that here is your ad, maybe I
should include your email address too.

Thanks Mom and Dad, you are the best. You have taken a
second mortgage on the house so that I can do a
pageant 1/2 way across the country every weekend. It
does not matter that we can't afford the extra
payment, we will figure it out some how and maybe you
can use some of my winnings to pay that bill.

Thank you Gramma and grampie too without all that money we
get from you we would be in more dire financial
straights than we are.

I want to thank (the banner maker) it is okay that
your name is bigger than mine on my congratulations
banner. I only paid you $10 for you to cut out all my
pictures by hand and make my banner special

And last but not least I want to thank Jesus for
letting my light shine. I know that I am always at
pageants instead of in Sunday school but I still think
about you. Please accept this ad, and maybe more will
come to know you.

Thanks to all my pageant friends(list them all)
because we all know that because you are my friend and
your mom is a pageant vendor - I am getting more wins.
Thank goodness for mommy again, because I would not
know who to be friends with, without her.

The day it all fell apart someone handed me that charming missive. I read it and chuckled aloud at the truth of it even as it takes pot shots at my profession as well as everyone else that makes money off of children's beauty pageants. It was one of the judges that handed it off to me. Earlier he’d been smirking and laughing over the absurdity of pageants and the money spent as we whispered together out back over cigarettes and a forbidden flash of bourbon. He’d told me of one pageant moms attempt to score a win for her little girl, doing a comical impression of momma, all three hundred beehived pounds of her offering him a blow job if he’d pick her daughter for Mini Grand Supreme Burrito. “Honey, she is so barking up the wrong tree!” he’d gasped as we both laughed over the thought that she didn’t have a clue that he was gay when it was so obvious.

I suppose she must have made the assumption that he was like the dueling Mr. Steves, willing to play occasionally for the other team. The Mr. Steves were both coaches, big time coaches, who also did hair and makeup as well as did the extensive portfolio photos of the girls. They were the two most sought after coaches in the industry. But both were so stereotypically swishy gay they were almost a caricature of homosexuality, except that they weren’t. Entirely gay that is. Both had their serious gay relationships disappear into thin air when it came out that they’d slept with the random pageant mommy. One of them had even managed to father two children during his forays into the land of heterosexuality. Both girls he’d managed to manipulate into being top winning pageant girls. Still the Mr. Steves caused mass consternation, confusion and gossip among the moms with their bed hopping ways;. The scandal hasn’t hurt their standing in this industry, in fact it’s helped.

And make no mistake about it, This is an industry. Money changes hands, lots and lots of money. Careers are made or broken by the mommies. That is the dirty secret no one talks about, the money that flows like manna from heaven. It’s a costly hobby and I’ve seen many women end up wrecking their family and their lives over this nonsense. Homes lost, marriages ruined over the obsessive need to make the unspecial special. Every mommy thinks their daughter is the most beautiful thing to ever walk the planet, even if their butt-ugly, bucktoothed and bow legged. And every pageant mom is willing to bet the family farm to prove it. I’ve often wondered what these women’s partners thought about spending an average of a couple of thou every weekend there’s a competition

Too bad the product we’re producing has no real value. Just knowing that has made me reconsider what it is I do for a living. It gives me the occasional long sleepless night. I keep promising myself no more only to find some unexpected bill of beguiling designer bag changing my mind. I do it for the money, not much better than a whore.

Some of the moms say that they do it because it gives their kid confidence and it’s good practice for going out in this world. I personally cannot see it, all I see are a bunch of ugly women dressed in fashions rejected by Wal Mart as too frumpy trying to live vicariously their own fantasies through their very average small child. That’s the other big secret of pageants, it’s not about the girls, not at all, it’s all about feeding the moms egos. They whore out their children to make themselves feel better about the ordinariness of their own lives. If you can’t be beautiful yourself then trick out your child like she’s beautiful.

At least I’m not one of the moms,. if anything this industry has made me not want children. When you see children exploited for ego -driven reasons it tends to turn off any so-called biological clock. Better than any birth control. So what do I do? I’m a seamstress, a custom clothing designer and maker of little girls dresses. Don’t care much for the style of the kiddies dresses, but it’s lucrative, more lucrative than most of my old jobs designing and sewing. Even the drag queens of New Orleans didn’t pay me as well as this does.

But had you told me years ago when I was a teenager taking the bus out of the Ninth Ward in New Orleans to work as a tailoring seamstress at Godchauxs Dept. Store that one day I’d design and make dresses that look like a pile of pink frosting sprinkled with faux jewels I would have laughed and told you I would do no such thing. But here I am, a million miles away from where I started but geographically not very far, just down the road a patch as my father used to say.