Day 18

When I awoke the sun shone into my home, lighting up every surface. I felt very confused, awakening on my sofa with dried drool and puffy eyes. I sat up and saw Jude slipping his shoes back on, sitting across from me in the recliner. “You stayed the entire night here?” I croaked, voice hoarse with sleep.

Jude smiled, his dark curls unkempt, he reminded me of a mischievous little boy. “I couldn’t leave you alone in the state you were in. I would have stayed awake worrying about you if I had gone home. It was safer to stay and be sure..”

Yawning and stretching I muttered out a quick, “Thank you.” even as I was thinking I really wanted to be alone to mourn the death of my illusions.

Jude stood and said, “Get a shower and I’ll be back in a short while. I want to take you to breakfast this morning and afterwards, we can talk... I think you need to talk about whatever happened with you yesterday.. I’m worried for you.”

We didn’t speak much on the ride from Bay St Louis into Gulfport, Mississippi. I’d had a hard time getting the lap/shoulder belt of Jude’s restored Volkswagen Vanogon to fit around my burgeoning middle. But it was like the Gulf was ours alone that morning, Jude opened the sun roof on his van and we sped along old highway 90 towards the sun. No one much stirred except in the vicinity of the several golf courses, green grass glittering in the sunlight like emeralds, we passed and on the grounds of the Reserve Naval Station in Gulfport proper.

At first I didn’t know where Jude was taking me to eat. Most of the casinos have a buffet that operates around the clock and various restaurants but I never cared much for them. I much preferred to munch on a piece of Church’s fried chicken or eat at one of the local place. So I was relieved when he pulled the van into a parking spot near Daddy’s Little Kitchen.

Daddys food was nothing fancy, it was all American hearty fare and breakfast was their specialty. Biscuits, grits, gravy, sausages. But I had to tease Jude so I said, “I was afraid it might be IHOP or that fancy place the Mockingbird Cafe, or, even worse, casino fare.”

I watched Jude throw back his head and laugh heartily as I thought that he didn’t fit any of the classic molds of ‘handsome’ but at that moment he was just so cute. “As if. even in the morning casinos are as frenetic as the stock exchange. Ihops good for a middle of the night pancake craving but again, not an atmosphere I’ve ever cared to linger at. And I don’t even know what the Mockingbird Cafe is but just the name gives me the willies, conjures up images of little old ladies drinking tea and eating cucumber sandwiches. I’d sooner cut my dick off.”

The food smelled heavenly and by the time my omelet and biscuits arrived I was drooling. When I hadn’t had morning sickness during this pregnancy I’d been ravenous, today I was so hungry I’d been tempted to order half the menu.

We ate silently for a long time. The restaurant wasn’t deserted but there were few enough customers this early on a Saturday morning that it gave the place a relaxed feeling. Yesterday seemed to fade far back into my ancient history.

But finally it did come up, Jude asked me what had happened yesterday after the waitress brought him another cup of coffee. And I just simply told him. I was calmer now but tears still ran down my face as I told him about my affair with John, the fact that everyone was pressuring me to do a selective reduction, the difficulties I might encounter as the pregnancy continued and my increasing wariness of the Collins.

“Did you sign a contract with these people?” Jude asked me.

I had to think for a moment, “No, I signed one with first baby but we somehow never got around to it this time.”

Jude smiled tenderly at me and said, “The solution is simple. You don’t have to give up your babies to these people. Keep them yourself.”

“I can’t,” I moaned miserably, “I know I said I’d started having maternal protective feelings for them but.. I.. I can’t raise three babies alone. John Collins, the babies biological father, is a powerful lawyer, and he’s got some position in state politics. He’d take me to court.”

“Take you to court?” Jude chortled, “and risk exposure of your affair with him? From what you’ve been telling me about this deal, they manipulated you into giving birth in their home so that they could falsify the birth certificate instead of legally adopting and you’re worried he’s going to come after you? You know, I thought he looked familiar so I asked around and did some research on Google, he’s up to his neck in criminal investigations right now, every thing from misappropriation of funds to campaign irregularities and arranging illegal adoptions. He’d be stupid to come after you.”

“But that still doesn’t answer the question how I’m going to support three children? And I’m not just talking financially, how can I possibly have the time to work and take care of their needs, get enough sleep to work and.. I’m scared I’ll be a terrible mother.” it all came out in a terrible quick rush of words.

“I’d be happy to help you however I could.” Jude beamed at me, “Don’t worry, I’ll help you figure something out.”

“Figure something out.. why would you even bother offering to help out. We barely know each other.” I whispered out, looking down, knowing that I knew the answer but not wanting to hear it.

But it was too late, Jude reached across the table, seized my hand and looked at me with tenderness in his eyes, “It cannot escaped your notice that I have feelings for you. I’ve watched you for afar this last year and felt an immediate attraction. These last few weeks getting to know you makes me think you might be the one for me that I’ve waited for..”

I’m not repulsed like I thought I might be, the touch of his hand on mine is actually pleasant. I gulp, feeling suddenly hot and cold at the same time, “Even with the three babies?”

He smiled, “Especially with three babies. I love kids and always wanted a houseful.”

“I don’t quite know what to say to all of this,” I replied.

After breakfast we went for a long walk on the beach in Gulfport. Jude held my hand and it felt good. Being with someone that was happy to be seen in public with me, whom I didn’t have to sneak around with was a new experience. Freeing. Jude had treated me with nothing but loving respect since the day I met him.

But eventually we drove back to Bay St Louis, reversing our drive down highway 90 with the road and area crawling with scads of people, sunkissed oiled bodies laying out on the beach, crowds milling around tourist places hawking bikinis, suntan oil, hermit crabs and shells, restaurants filled with people eating seafood and drinking exotic looking drinks. Even the luxurious golf greens seemed to be in gridlock.

When we turned into the driveway leading to the condos I could see someone’s Mercedes double parked behind my own Prius and I sighed, “Oh no.”

“Who is that?” Jude asked, parking in his numbered slot and I muttered miserably, “That is Annie Collins.”

We got out of Jude’s van and both walked quickly towards my front door. Annie sprang from her Mercedes and ran after us calling, “Just a minute, Emily.. You owe me an explanation, missy.”

“Explanation for what?” I asked, knowing perfectly well she was talking about the selective reduction. She tried to block my way into my own home and growled at me, a different Annie, one I’d not seen before, fierce and crazy looking, “You know what. Dr Parley says you refused the selective reduction. You need to have it and besides, we don’t want three babies.”

“Lady, watch what you’re doing,” Jude said mildly, simply grabbing Annie by her slender arms and pulling her away from my front door.

“Look, this is stupid, standing on the step yelling. Annie, come on in and we can talk this out like sensible adults, like we’re supposed to be.”

I’d expected Annie to follow me and Jude to go into his own home but he didn’t. He put a possessive arm around my shoulder as Annie entered the house. She perched primly on the edge of a straight backed chair in the living room while I sank down on the sofa. Jude sat next to me and took my hand. I liked that feeling, that suddenly a knight was here protecting me, caring for me. It was a novel feeling and I almost wept from it.

“You know we’re not paying you a dime for a damaged baby. You have three and one is retarded or with birth defects and you’re out of luck. You’ll be stuck with it. I don’t know why you’d take such risks with your own health and with the health of our babies.” Annie snapped at me.

I looked down at the floor, not quite sure how to tell Annie I’d started having big second thoughts, so I started simply, “Annie, I know you didn’t want or expect this many children at once but you know what the fertility clinic said before we started the insemination, that it might result in multiple births. You also know I don’t believe in abortion or anything like that selective termination that Dr Parley is recommending. He’s doing it just because you’ve decided you don’t want triplets. He says they are all growing well and there’s no problems with my health or theirs.”

She looked at me with scorn, jerked her thumb in the direction of Jude and asked, “What is he doing here?”

I could barely choke the words out but I did it, “He’s my, my boyfriend.”

“I’m not discussing this any further in front of this outsider,” Annie huffed.

For the first time I saw Jude’s dark brows lower and a stubborn look cross his face, “You better get used to it, lady. Someone has to protect this woman against your bullying.”

Two crimson spots appeared high on Annie’s cheeks and she sneered, “Then you probably know your girlfriend is having an affair with my husband.” She turned and simpered to me, “Of course I knew. John screws anything and he could talk the pants off a nun. That same quality makes him a great lawyer and a wonderful state senator.”